Oops, Ouch and Whipped Cream
by BethCarielle
Summary: Darien's in trouble, can Bobby fix it? My first attempt at humor. Please read and review.


Title: Oops, Ouch, and Whipped Cream  
Author: BethCarielle  
Genre: Humor  
Rating: G  
E-Mail: bethcarielle@yahoo.com  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from The Invisible Man.  
Author's Note: My attempt at humor, with a little Bobby and Claire action. And   
get your minds out of the gutter, it's only rated G.  
  
  
Darien was sitting right where Claire had left him, on the demented dentist chair   
waiting for his shot. Claire had run out alcohol wipes and had gone down the hall to the   
storage room to get another box.  
Darien was bored. He had removed the tourniquet and was stretching it between   
his hands in an effort to stop the boredom. When that failed he put it down and climbed   
off the chair.  
He walked aimlessly around the Keep, looking into cages and aquariums,   
avoiding the tarantula at all costs. He was starting to wonder if Claire had gotten lost or   
something.  
His pacing took him to Claire's desk. He casually walked by and pulled open the   
top right drawer. A stapler, tape, paperclips, pushpins, notepads, clipboard, her gun and   
extra clip presented themselves. Nothing that could provide entertainment.  
He stealthily moved over to the top left drawer and opened it. About as   
interesting as the first. Files, paper, a box of pens, and what appeared to be a box of   
microscope slides. Closing that drawer, he moved to the center.  
The center drawer was a mess of miscellaneous objects, a day planner and not   
much else. So far, Claire possessed nothing to interest the invisible man.  
Darien tried the left bottom drawer and was greeted with files. Everything from   
QS-9300 to Mutation and DNA Repair in Bacterial Pathogens peeked out at him. Just   
thinking about the scientific facts those files contained made his head swim.   
Moving onto the bottom right drawer, he finally found something interesting.   
This drawer was locked. It was a simple desk lock. Opening the above drawer he pulled   
out a paperclip and unlocked the bottom drawer. Curious as to what Claire would be   
keeping under lock and key he opened the drawer slowly.  
It was her purse and a change of clothing. Why did she keep that locked up he   
wondered. It wasn't as if someone in the Agency was going to rip her off, maybe there   
was something under the clothes.  
He slid the drawer out fully and lifted the pile of clothing. Nothing. He was   
replacing the clothes when something fell out of the pile. He picked it up and stared at it.  
Darien was shocked. Well maybe shocked was too strong of a word. Amused   
was probably more correct. Who would have guessed that the Keeper wore thong   
underwear? It wasn't a big deal, but she just seemed so proper and so professional. But a   
lacy, black, string bikini thong? Did she wear them all the time, of just on special   
occasions? And what would those special occasions be? She had once told him there   
were many sides of her he wouldn't see, this one piqued his curiosity.  
Chuckling to himself he heard the door to the Keep slide open.   
"Ah crap." He muttered and shoved the drawer closed, realizing he was still   
holding the underwear. Panicking he stuffed them into his pants pocket.  
"Sorry that took me so long Darien, I ran into the Official in the hallway." Said   
Claire as she entered the lab. "What are you doing over there?" she asked when she saw   
Darien leaning against her desk.  
"Oh, nothing. Just hanging out." He said nonchalantly.  
Claire gave him a quizzical look and gestured to the chair. Darien tried to act   
casual as he walked to the chair, but thought of Claire in nothing but her thong kept   
creeping back into his mind.  
He sat down and offered his arm. Claire prepped him and gave him the   
counteragent injection.  
"There you go. All set." She said.  
"Thanks." Said Darien quickly and left the Keep in a hurry. What was he going   
to so with these underwear now? He had practically stolen them. What if she went to   
change later?  
Darien walked down the hall to Bobby's office. He knocked and walked in at the   
same time. Bobby looked up from his paperwork.  
"Hey Fawkes. What's up? You have that look on your face." Said Bobby.  
"What look is that?" asked Darien.  
"That look that says you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. What   
did you do this time? Is the Official going to come storming in here any minute?"  
"Umm, no, not the Official."  
"Oh geez, what did you do to piss off the Keep this time?"  
"Nothing…yet."  
"Yet?"  
Darien pulled out the stolen underwear out of his pocket and dropped them on   
Bobby's desk.  
"Hmm, I don't think they're your size partner." Said Bobby looking at the thong   
on his desk.  
"They're not mine." Responded Darien through grit teeth, "They're Claire's."  
It took Bobby a moment to realize what was sitting on his desk. That had been   
weeks ago.  
"You're kidding right?"  
"Nope. I was waiting for my shot and I did a little snooping while she was getting   
some more alcohol wipe things. She came back before I could put then back so I stashed   
them in my pocket." Explained Darien.  
Bobby thought about this. He had wondered where she had put them. He hadn't   
seen them since…he had to get off that train of thought.  
"Hobbes, Hobbes…hey Bobby!" said Darien, raising his voice to get Bobby's   
attention. "What am I going to do?"  
"Frame them?"  
"Would you get your mind out of the gutter for one moment please? What am I   
supposed to do with these? I can't just give them back. Talk about awkward." Babbled   
Darien.  
"Can you quicksilver and sneak them back in?"  
"Into a locked desk drawer, while she's in there? I don't think so. Besides, she's   
developed some sort of radar; she can like sense me when I'm invisible."  
Bobby nodded in agreement, he had noticed that too. He tried to focus his mind   
at the problem at hand, but he kept coming back to memories of that night.  
Darien started pacing again, the underwear still on Bobby's desk. Maybe he   
could just leave them outside the door to the Keep and maybe Claire would just think she   
dropped them earlier. No, that wouldn't work; she had already been in and out today.   
What if he just threw them away? No, that wouldn't work either. It brought back the   
problem of what if she went to change later.  
Darien looked at Bobby, who was staring at the thong. He knew what he was   
thinking; Bobby's crush on the Keeper wasn't a secret. What if Bobby took them back?   
Darien knew that Claire had a bit of a crush on Bobby anyways; maybe it wouldn't be so   
awkward if Bobby returned them.  
"Hey Hobbes, what if you take them back?" asked Darien.  
"What?! You want me to take them back? Your mess, not mine." Said Bobby,   
his voice rising.  
"It was just a thought." Said Darien.  
"Well quit thinking my friend. You're getting out of this one on your own."  
"Come on Hobbes. She likes you more than she likes me." Said Darien, his voice   
working into a whine. "Besides, she won't cause physical harm to your person." He   
muttered under his breath.  
"Fawkes, why would it be any better if I took them back? She'll still be pissed   
that someone was going through her things."   
"Yeah, well by the time you tell her I can be in Mexico." Said Darien, a whine   
still evident in his voice.  
Bobby stared at his partner. "You own me so big it isn't even funny." He said,   
standing and picking up the underwear.  
"Oh Hobbes, thank you, thank you, thank you." Gushed Darien.  
"You're coming with me."  
"What? Do I have to?"  
"Yes, get moving." Said Bobby, pushing Darien out of the office and down the   
hall.  
When they arrived outside the Keep, Bobby wordlessly handed the underwear to   
Darien.  
"Hobbes, what are you doing?" asked Darien, holding the thong.  
"It's your fault, so you're returning them."  
"But, but, what do I say."  
"I'll do the talking. Just remember how big you owe me."  
Darien nodded and watched as Bobby swiped his key card through the lock next   
to the door.  
"Knock, knock Keepy." Said Bobby walking in.  
Claire looked up from her computer. "Something you needed?" she asked.  
"Umm," said Bobby clearing his throat, "Darien managed to somehow acquire an   
item of yours."  
"What?" asked Claire. She had no idea what he was talking about.  
Darien shyly held up the offending piece of clothing and Bobby watched Claire   
pale.  
"How…where…when…Darien, why were you going though my things!?!"   
shouted Claire astonished.  
"I…umm…well…earlier when you left, I…I'm sorry." He said sheepishly.  
Claire stood, yanked the thong from Darien's grasp. She turned and faced Bobby.   
She raised her hand and slapped him across the face. She then turned and sat back down   
at her desk.  
Darien stood rooted to his spot on the floor confused. He stumbled as Bobby,   
who was tenderly rubbing his reddening cheek, dragged him out of the Keep.  
Darien tried to form a question, but ending up sputtering a string of gibberish.   
Bobby held up a hand for silence, his lips a thin pressed line.  
"I'm…I'm sorry partner." Darien managed.  
"Forget it." Replied Bobby through clenched teeth.  
Darien nodded, still dumbfounded, and left Bobby in his office.  
Bobby stood in his office, listening to Darien's receding footsteps. Damn, that   
woman could hit, his jaw felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to it.  
Still massaging the aching joint, Bobby made his way back down to the Keep. He   
swiped his keycard through the lock for the second time and the door slid open.  
He carefully stepped inside; Claire was at her computer, the underwear sitting on   
the desk. She turned at the sound of the door opening and saw Bobby walk in, a very red   
cheek proof of how hard she had truly hit him.  
"Oh…Bobby…I'm sorry." She said through a smile that threatened to turn into a   
laugh.  
"You better be." Replied Bobby jokingly.  
Claire stood and came to him, inspecting the damage she had inflicted. Bobby   
winced at her light touch.  
"Oh come on. I didn't hit you that hard." Responded Claire.  
"I beg to differ."  
Claire chuckled and gently kissed the abused cheek, moving towards Bobby's   
mouth.  
Bobby kissed back, they had promised to not bring their relationship to work, but   
oh well.  
Claire had moved back to kissing Bobby's jaw and neck.  
"Claire honey?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Why did you slap me?"  
"Because Darien didn't deserve it."  
"What do you mean? He's the one who took them."  
"Yes, but you're the one who bought them."  
"So?"  
"So? I know what you were thinking when Darien brought them back. Darien   
was truly embarrassed, your imagination, my dear, was working over time."  
"Really? Hmm, a few thoughts had crossed my mind."  
Claire smiled and planted another kiss on Bobby's mouth. She broke away, a   
mischievous smile crossing her face.  
"You just better be home on time tonight."  
"Oh really? And if I'm not?"  
Claire raised her hand threateningly and Bobby pretended to cower as he backed   
out of the Keep. He needed to go find his partner and let him know everything was   
alright, and then pick up strawberries and whipped cream on the way home. 


End file.
